Homer’s Best Bets </MCC HEAD>

Story last updated at 8:21 PM on Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Homer’s Best Bets

Is this a great country or what? Only in America could nine learned justices in the highest court of the land somberly say “Bong hits 4 Jesus.” Some take the First Amendment so dang seriously they’re willing to fight for the right to utter absurdities. Joseph Frederick, a Juneau-Douglas High School student waves a banner on a downtown street and, the principal, Deborah Morse, tears it up, and the next thing ya know, it’s a federal case. Disruptive speech? An adolescent testing the limits of elder patience? The Supremes have put on their thinking caps to consider the lofty principles of Morse v. Frederick. That might seem like absurdist performance art, but hey, in the U.S.A., we call that democracy. And what does “Bong hits 4 Jesus” mean, anyway? Even a know-it-all like the Betster can’t figure that one out. Holy Jacques Derida! Where’s a French philosopher when you need one? Sometimes it seems like you need a deconstructionist to figure out life. Fortunately, this town is full of bright, overeducated and underpaid geniuses ready to solve the big problems of life — and the little ones. So buy ’em a cup of coffee, ask the next question and who knows? Maybe they’ll give you the answer to life, the universe and everything, or at least some ideas about what to do this weekend, like some of these Best Bets:

Photo by Milli Martin
Kachemak Emergency Service Area Chief Pay Johnson receives the keys to KESA's new ambulance from Royce Barton of Rocky Mountain Ambulance. Homer Volunteer Fire Department Chief Bob Painter looks on.

BEST REALLY BIG WILD BET: Hah! Anchorage has the nerve to call itself big, wild. Try a trip on the Tusty out to Dutch Harbor. That’ll give even seasoned mariners a few chills. You can leave the puker pills at home, though, with “A Virtual Trip to Dutch Harbor via the M/V Tustumena” starting at noon today at the Alaska Islands and Ocean Visitor Center. U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service naturalist Doug Stuart leads the virtual trip through the Aleutians. The film “Alaska’s Deadly Volcano” also shows at 3 p.m.

BEST VELCRO BET: It’s not clear from the press release, but the Betster suspects “Hookin’ Up” isn’t about the wonders of hook-and-release closure systems. Directed by Craig Phillips, the Bottom Feeder Theatre production opens at 7:30 p.m. today at the Homer Council on the Arts. The collection of short modern plays for ages 17 and up continues March 23, 24, 30 and April 1. Tickets are $12 general admission, $10 for HCOA members.

BEST SURF’S UP BET: If you missed the Ocean Film Festival last month, select films play again at noon and 3 p.m. Friday at the Alaska Islands and Ocean Visitor Center. Included are “Bering Sea,” “Bering Voices,” “Fisher Poets” and “Henry Wood Elliott: Defender of the Fur Seal.”

BEST GOOD ICE BET: Out in the harbor, fishermen are cursing the ice surrounding their boats. For those who like to drive fast cars on dubious frictional surfaces, this winter has been heaven. Ice Racing continues this Sunday — in March! — with practice at 11 a.m. and races at noon.

BEST AND OH BY THE WAY IT’S SPRING BET: While you were watching snow whisper down from the sky on Tuesday, the spring equinox snuck in. That’s right: Spring has come. Get in the spirit with a meeting at 2 p.m. Sunday of the Homer Garden Club at Homer City Hall. Speaker Ellen Vande Visse presents “Breaking the Chemical Habit: Understanding and Applying Organic Fertilizers.”

BEST GET RIGHT WITH THE WORD BET: The talk these days is all about Bible illiteracy — how ignorant many people are of the best selling book of all time — you know, how some people think Lot’s wife’s name was Pepper, stuff like that. If you don’t know your Bible, and want to learn more, “The Hope of Glory” Bible conference starts at 5. p.m. Sunday at the Kachemak Community Center. Pastor Jeff Seekins provides Bible-based inspirational teaching, so bring a copy of the Good Book. Hosted by Grace Bible Church, the conference continues at 7 p.m. Monday-Tuesday.

BEST BUILD IT AND HOPE THEY WON’T COME: Nobody wants to make a visit to South Peninsula Hospital, but if you get sick, the hospital with Alaska’s best view is there for you. Learn about the expansion project with a noon brown-bag lunch Friday at the hospital. Want to learn more? Kenai Peninsula Borough Mayor John Williams — that’s the guy with the flashy ties — speaks at noon Tuesday on the hospital bond special election at the Best Western Bidarka Inn, the monthly Homer Chamber of Commerce luncheon.