Hmmph! It's bad enough when civic leaders commit the fashion sin of wearing white before Memorial Day, but did you see what Gwen Stefani did? The pop singer had the gall to tart up the Goth Lolita look by wearing blue ruffled panties and laced-up high heels. Now the GLs are all in a dither over this horrible, horrible fashion crime.

Heck, a week ago the Betster didn't even know such a thing as the Goth Lolita look existed. There's a lot we don't know living here at the End of the Road, where even with the Weird Wide Web critical information kindasorta falls off the radar. Oh sure, if you want to know something, Google "goth Lolita 'people with too much time on their hands'" and there ya go. But who cares? We have trouble enough keeping our rubber boots from leaking.

In a town where dressing up can mean bathing in the last week and wearing a clean pair of jeans, fashionista contretemps might not seem all that relevant, ya know? Why be backwater rubes, though? Maybe we Homerites should set our own look, and rather than keeping up with Paris, make Paris keep up with us. Just a thought.

So as you contemplate updating your spring wardrobe — gold lame Danksos? Leopard print long johns? — check out these Best Bets:

BEST RETRO BET: Speakin' of fashion, if you think the human body can be a canvas for art, check out The Fringe Benefit Fund Celebrating Women Retrospective Fashion Show (say that three times quickly) at 3 p.m. Sunday at Stas restaurant. Gorgeous Homer women model fashions from the 19th to 21st Century. Tickets are $20 at The Fringe, The Homer Bookstore and Solstice Music, with proceeds benefiting The Fringe Benefit Fund, a program to provide personal services for women in crisis.

BEST DON'T GET STUNG BET: Other teams trembled at the prospect of going up against the Homer News Onomatopoeia Maniacs in the Second Annual New Library Project Spelling Bee. We'll have some worthy opponents like the Ready to Rumble Librarians, though. Everyone comes out a winner because the contest at 6:30 p.m. Saturday at the Alaska Islands and Ocean Visitor Center raises funds for the New Homer Library.

BEST CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? BET: Generations of skaters have been scraping by with slushy ice, and finally the day has come: an indoor ice rink. Celebrate the two-day grand opening of the new Multi-Use Ice Facility on the Homer Spit starting at 11 a.m Saturday and continuing at 8:45 a.m. Sunday. Oh, and be sure to set your clocks ahead before going to bed Saturday night, or you'll get there early.

BEST IT'S FRIDAY, IT MUST BE ART BET: How cool is that? The first day of the month is the First Friday and, oh yeah, also April Fool's Day. From Old Town to Lake Street, shows are popping up all over. Don't miss the "Women as They Are" photography exhibit in the new space at the Kachemak Bay Campus.