Homer's best bets</MCC HEAD>

Story last updated at 4:01 p.m. Thursday, April 1, 2004

Homer's best bets

Homer News file photo
Green dreams We dug this photo of the Homer Community Garden out of the archive as a bit of encouragement for our readers to hold on through the recent bout of Alaska spring we've been shoveling. Warmer, greener days are right around the corner, and worth waiting for.

Years ago, a friend of the Betster's got it in his head to walk to Point Barrow after having spent the summer there in the northernmost town in Alaska. As Jake hiked up the beach, a guy out duck hunting stopped his four-wheeler to tell him he'd seen a huge polar bear up at the point. Jake wondered if maybe he should turn around, but as the hunter sped away, he looked back over his shoulder, grinned, and yelled, "I jokes!"

Deliberately pronounced using grade-school grammar as part of the fun of the joke, "I jokes!" is the common punch line in Bush Alaska to some elaborate yarn sprung on unsuspecting gussuks. That stew you just ate? It was my old lead dog. I jokes! I heard on the radio that the Twin Otter won't make it in from Bethel, because it hit a walrus on the runway. I jokes!

Here at Truth and Accuracy Central, having a paper come out on April Fool's Day tempts the Betster to pull a little joke. Uh-uh. Editors are not amused by this. It's a cardinal rule of journalism. Besides, who needs jokes, when reality here at the End of The Road is so wonderfully bizarre and strange?

Not that you, oh Betsteroids, should feel so restrained. Plot an elaborate April Fool's joke. And when your victim has been punk'd, smile sweetly and say, "I jokes!" And what better time to pull a joke than at one of these Best Bets?

BEST BE SERIOUS BET: Sure, sometimes it seems like the legislative session is one big joke, but hey, give those poor schlubs in Juneau a break. They're trying their dangdest. If you think they could try a bit harder, give 'em an earful at a constituent teleconference meeting from 7-8 p.m. today at the Legislative Information Office, 345 W. Sterling Highway. Don't want to brave the icy roads? Call in at from home at (800) 395-5073.

BEST BE ONE WITH THE CARIBOU BET: Where do artists get their ideas and how does experience and culture shape their work? Artist and anthropologist Joan Tenenbaum explores some of those themes with her talk, "Connect to the Tundra," at 7:30 p.m. Friday at the Pratt Museum.

BEST CLIP THE ARTS CALENDAR BET: First Friday. Riverrun. Tom Rush. This weekend, it will take some heavy time scheduling to do all the arts events. Check out pages 16 and 17 for all the details, and start lining up those baby sitters.

BEST FORWARD INTO THE FURNITURE BET: At precisely 2 a.m. Sunday morning, click your heels together, grasp the stem of your watch firmly, twirl the hour hand forward and shazam! you'll zip ahead one hour into the future. Or, before going to bed at a more sensible hour, set your clocks ahead. It's daylight savings time, the annual ritual foisted upon Alaskans so come June we can get one more hour of fishin' time before sunset.

BEST BETTER THAN A BARREL BET: Did your annual tribute to Uncle Sam leave you without money to buy new spring clothes? Dip into the Big Homer Clothes Closet when the Salvation Army holds an $8 bag sale on all colored-tag items from 10:30 a.m.-8 p.m. Friday at the Pioneer Avenue store.

BEST GET OUT THE AQUALUNG BET: If this quaint and amusing snowstorm keeps up, you'll need scuba gear to ski the powder up at Ohlson Mountain. The Ohlson Mountain Rope Tow runs 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Sunday.

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