Some have even asked “Who is the Betster?” Officially, the Snews credits the column to one of our staff so we can grab those big awards. You might think you know the Betster’s secret identity, but if you asked, we’d have to go all CIA on ya. We can neither confirm or deny, etc.
How does Best Bets happen? We outsource it. Each week we e-mail the calendar page to Columns ’R Uz in Tiruchchirappali, India. There, a crack wordsmith picks and chooses interesting events and writes up a little blurb for each. We also suggest a theme of the week, like “obscure foreign holidays” or “lame weather joke.” Lately we’ve been working with Rajeev, a 20-something graduate of one of those British boarding schools like you read about in Harry Potter, except without wizards. This explains all the obscure Latin references, in case you’re wondering.
After Rajeev has done his magic, he sends it back to us just in time for deadline and one of us translates his quaint syntax into Homerspeak. A cosmic hamlet or two, and there you go: yet another piece of Betster wisdom.
See? Simple. As the saying goes, While there’s a rational explanation for everything, there’s also an irrational explanation — you know, kinda like Homer itself. From the normal to the strange, like some of these Best Bets:
BEST THIS IS SO FRENCH BET: Fine wines, great food and healthy sexuality. Well, that’s what the French say they’re good for. Maybe they’re right. For a new perspective on how Europe deals with unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, check out “Dangers of Denial: Toward a Healthier Sexuality” from 7-8:30 p.m. tonight, Homer High School library. Maybe European mores don’t fit in with your perspective, but hey, you know what they say: Minds are like parachutes — they work best when opened.
BEST GO, BIG, BLUE, RA RA BET: Mariners rock, you betcha. Is there any doubt? Well, with stingy legislators blowing money on outside PR firms, hey, what’s a football team to do? You know the drill. Head out to the annual Mariner Football Fund-raiser from 7-9 p.m. Friday at the Elk’s Club. For $10, you get an all-u-can-eat barbecue chicken dinner.
BEST WHO PUT THAT TRASH THERE? BET: From nefarious cocaine dealers tossing their stash to jerks who can’t use an ash tray, there’s a lot of junk on our roads. Let the cops take care of the drugs, but you can do your part with the less-nasty stuff by helping out with the annual Homer Clean Up Day. Trash drop-off is 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, with prizes going to people who deliver the most bags.
BEST HEY, KEEP IT SAFE OUT THERE BET: As long as we’re talking trash, how about some of that ugly stuff on the Internet? Want to surf safe? A genuine FBI Internet safety expert speaks at 11 a.m. Saturday at Homer High School, part of the big Safe Kids Fair. Other activities run from 10 a.m.-noon in the parking lot.
BEST DANCE, DANCE REVO BET: Homer’s teenage bands know how to blow out the cobwebs in the attic. If you want to see rock ‘n’ roll of the new millennium, check out the all-ages dance — that means you, too, ‘rents — at 6 p.m. Saturday at Amped Café. What a great way to wind down after a day of keeping clean and safe.
BEST HIGH FASHION BET: Homer’s fiber artists and designers could teach Paris a thing or two about haut couture. It’s amazing what you can do with XtraTufs. Once again, it’s the Fringe Benefit fashion show at 3 p.m. Sunday. Great clothes, way cool models and good food: what more can you ask for? Well, and it benefits women in need for things like massages, chic new haircuts and even dental work.
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