Let us begin.
Nick,
You seem to avoid getting involved in local debates. It’s time to take a stand. What is your opinion on roundabouts utilized as traffic control measures?
Sid, Homer
Well, Sid, I’ve had a great deal of experience maneuvering through such junctions in Australia and New Zealand while piloting campervans and motor homes. Personally, I feel that they are cool once you get use to them.
I must admit though the first one I encountered outside of Sydney was a bit of a female cur due to the fact that I was trying to manipulate a five-speed floor shift from the right seat of a van while driving on the opposite side of the road and listening to final rights from a priest who kept yelling at us from the intersection’s sidewalk.
I finally mastered the theory of roundabout navigation after a couple dozen drive-bys of available exits and unseemly comments from Aussie drivers who are normally quite polite unless you are a disoriented “tourista el as$#ol*.” I give the system two thumbs up and now await the one finger up retorts.
Hey Dude,
What was your take on that train wreck they had on humor writing at the 2005 K-Bay Writer’s Conference? I couldn’t believe some of the panelists dissin’ humor in lit and even admitting they didn’t have a clue why they were on the panel. That sucked major air. My sense of humor makes the obits look like Dave Barry insights, yet the panel’s feelings made my stuff come off like Robin Williams’ comments after a six pack. Who’s teaching whom here, Nicko? Maybe they should have humorists on a humor panel. Whatcha think?
Fireweed, Fritz Creek-n-Beyond
Fireweed, I think your bong’s empty. I usually don’t see a stance like this from the weed-iz-us group out East End.
Just chill out, everything was explained to me by a well known presenter after I diplomatically inquired (no hands to the throat or pet hostage situation) as to why some of the panel’s commentators had an attitude toward humorists akin to a beach crowd’s opinion of Ted Kennedy in a Speedo. He explained that “humor writing is viewed by serious writers as ghetto journalism and not as a valid art form.”
I was instantly transported. Life as I saw it would have no meaning unless I could figure out a way to properly translate the angst of an oyster being offered up on a slurp tray as a dollar item during happy hour. To be truly successful, I needed to find a different venue to articulate the consequences of my moron mutt consuming seven-day-old road-kill. Somehow, with studious introspection, I should be able to render the description of a thunderous malfunction of the canine bowel kind that leveled two city parks and a tree nursery into a classic sonnet.
Stay tuned, Fireweed, who knows where this epiphany will lead? I may end up on a panel without a clue as to how I got there.
Yo, Nick,
What’s the latest rap on funding the restocking of the second run of silvers at the Fishing Hole? Or, have you given up on the place because you can’t catch a cold out there. Loser!
Mac B., Soldotna
Hi, Mac,
What a sweet letter.
I think you and I have met. Aren’t you the head end of the butt I see diving out of my headlights whenever I arrive just before the dawn bite? It must be tough dragging all of that snagging equipment behind you especially when it’s stuff that could rein in a humpback. Can you spell hernia?
As for the restocking, what’s up with our government reps? The Nick Dudiak Fishing Lagoon needs minor coin ($50,000) to buy smolt for the second run. The borough once contributed $15,000 but suddenly quit asking for the funds. The city of Homer cut their donation from 10 grand to seven. The Friends of The Fishing Hole, a small concerned citizens group, has been trying to raise money by running raffles, a “Split The Pot Derby” and the first Fourth of July Halibut Tournament in conjunction with the Homer Chamber of Commerce. All have been successful but not in “big money” terms.
Trust me, Mac. We have called state and federal reps offices trying to get endowments for The Hole. The U.S senators’ and representative’s offices responded that private citz may not directly request such funding, only the state, borough or cities may beg such a boon. I won’t go into what some of those particular reps have come back with because I don’t want you blowing your breakfast through the front page of your morning newspaper.
Maybe one of them will respond to your question. After all, what’s wrong with investing a few grand into a project that brings tons of cash flowing through a community and borough? Unless, of course, you need $220 million to build some damn bridge for reasons only those who don’t write ghetto journalism can understand.
Nick C. Varney can be reached at wufferdawg@hotmail.com unless he’s sitting on a mountain peak contemplating the real meaning of major dog flatulence, traffic snarls and politicians who don’t give a fish.
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