Oh, it’s been fierce. Google “stoplights end of the road pork Homer” and you’ll get 419 hits, most of them about Homer Simpson. The other 42 hits have slammed our quaint little thinking town for taking leftover federal bucks to put in a stoplight at Lake Street and the Bypass.
What? You thought the B. meant those bridges to Erewhon? That is like so Ides of September. Nah, the bloggers have been blathering about how federal money for the Arctic Winter Games should go back into the national kitty instead of paying for Homer’s first stoplight. “Like we need a stoplight at the end of the road,” some alleged wit wrote.
Humph. You just can’t fly under the radar, even when you’re talking a chunk of change that wouldn’t buy a FEMA shotgun shack — you know, the kind that comes on wheels. OK, maybe half a trailer, but still.
So after 109 years in existence, it looks like ye olde cosmique hamlette by and by the sea will get a stoplight. No cheap underwear, but hey, you won’t have to do the poor man’s roundabout trick to take a left turn off Lake onto the bypass.
Get out and celebrate, perhaps with some of these Best Bets:
BEST LOOK LOCAL INSTANTLY BET:
Some of these duds have been rotating through Homer closets going on two generations. In big cities they call it vintage apparel, but at the Sally Ann, it’s just good, cheap clothing. You can get an even better deal from 5:30-8 p.m. Friday when the Salvation Army has a 50-percent off sale. Proceeds benefit local projects.BEST YES, YOU CAN GO HOME AGAIN:
This is what’s cool about Homer: Our kids go off, get educated, have adventures, and dang if they don’t come back. All you graduates of Homer High, hey, it’s the big homecoming game this Saturday when the Mariners take on Skyview. The JV game starts at noon and the varsity team at 3 p.m. Go Big Blue!BEST DOLLS ON STRINGS:
“Being John Malkovich” made a joke of it, but yes, it’s true, people actually do find gainful employment as puppeteers. Saturday at 6 p.m. the Bunnell Street Gallery presents “Don Giovanni,” an opera of marionettes. Tickets are $20 general admission, with discounts for gallery members.BEST OLD TIME FIDDLING BET:
OK, classic music, as played on violins and all those other orchestra like instruments. It’s an evening of classics starting at 7 p.m. Saturday behind the curtain at the Mariner Theatre, yet another great performance by Kenai Peninsula musicians. Tickets are $10 and support KPO.BEST AND IT’S HIP TOO BET:
The way cool people in Homer don’t fret when they’re stuck in line at the post office. They just whip out their needles and yarn and knit away. At 2 p.m. Sunday at the Amped Café, local knitters get together for a good cause: knitting to make a Share the Spirit blanket. Bring favorite patterns, an odd ball of yarn and join the hip set.BEST CIVIC DUTY BET:
It’s more painless than jury duty and cheaper than paying taxes. That’s right, on Tuesday for about 5 minutes of your time (15 if you want to catch up on local gossip), you can do one of the most important jobs of a citizen: vote. There are elections for city and borough offices and propositions, which you might know about if you’ve been reading the News the last month. The polls are open 7 a.m.-8 p.m., with in-person absentee voting on Monday at Homer City Hall if you’re out of town on Tuesday.
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