Once again, Betsteroids, some slick outside travel ’zine sings the glories of Homer. Yeah, we know the party line. Even if some hotshot New York writer piles on adjectives like a Spit Rat picking coal, we’re supposed to suck it up because it’s good for the tourist bidness.

OK, it’s way cool that Travel and Leisure magazine mentioned fave establishments like Café Cups and the Dawg, and the writer even breaks bread with our own columnist, Geo Beach. You gotta give the travel writer chops for coming to Homer in the winter.

“Homer is famous for two things: halibut and hippies,” the guy writes. “The most famous among the latter is the singer Jewel,” he goes on. In the “Famous Homer Hippies” category, the $500 question is “Who is Brother Asaiah?” I mean, dude, ask anyone.

The travel writer catches a winter king and then ships it back to his Manhattan apartment. “I put the steaks under the broiler naked,” he writes. Ouch! A guy could burn off some chest hairs doing that.

Where is Tom Bodett when we need him? It’ll take a couple dozen more essays by writers who really know the town to balance out yet another quicky visit here. Oh well. Fame has its price, but hey, Homeristas know our real charms, and don’t need some Easterner to tell us what’s happening in Homer, like these Best Bets:

BEST GO FOR THE HYBRID BET: For a $100 raffle ticket, you could get a sweet little Ford. Well, that or bupkis, but hey, those are the chances ya take with the annual Homer Chamber of Commerce Car Raffle Drawing. The excitement starts at 4 p.m. today, with the person having the last ticket drawn driving away in something other than a rusty old coal picking truck.

BEST ONE BIG ART WEEKEND BET: Art fans, does the Betsteroid have your weekend planned. Follow along here, or just plot your own social life using the handy, clip-out Artrageous Weekend calendar on page 8B.

BEST FIRST, FIRST FRIDAY BET: All right, when that quittin’ time bell hits, hop in your Subaru and head to the First Friday gallery openings. Check out the Arts page for all the amazing new art.

BEST FLICK BET: Yahoo! The annual KBC film series is back, just in time to fight off those winter blues. Do drop a few bills in the tip jar, though, because where else can you see classic art films like these? At 6 and 8 p.m. Friday, “Tabu” shows at the east campus. Under Plan Betster, you’ll want to see the 6 p.m. showing, because you have to get to Land’s End by 8 p.m.

BEST SHAKE THOSE HOSHOS BET: Two of Homer’s marimba bands take the stage at Land’s End Resort for an evening of can’t-stay-still rockin’ Zimbabwean music. Shamwari opens and Tamba! Marimba follows. A benefit for the Homer Council on the Arts, the show starts at 8 p.m. Friday.

BEST AND THEN THERE’S SATURDAY BET: As if Friday wasn’t exciting enough, well, things really pick up Saturday. Artist demonstrations run in the afternoon at various galleries. Like what you saw? Hey, put on your fancy duds and go to the Ritz at 6:30 p.m. Saturday at the Pratt Museum. It’s Homer’s big fancy dress up affair, with fine food and beverages and a chance to bid on some amazing art.