I received an e-mail from an old college buddy the other day complaining that he was at a loss as to decide what to get his little boy and girl for Christmas. The boy is 11 and the girl is 7. Everything they wanted seemed to require enough batteries to power a lunar module and the computer capabilities to conduct a remote landing on Mars. They also would come close to requiring a second mortgage just to purchase the basic models.

He remembered that my sister Vicki and I used to have unrealistic wishes at that age and battled it out to see who would end up with the coolest present from Santa. He also recalled that our mom and dad taught us a few lessons on living within a budget and to be careful for what you wish for.

I won't go into the specifics of those edifications because of private embarrassment issues, but let's just say one year I ended up with something less than an expensive "must have" Lincoln Log set by having to carve a duplicate out of spruce branches with a new pocket knife provided by Santa. Sis got her Easy Bake Deluxe Oven substitute by constructing it from instructions left by the jolly elf on the proper use of a large cookie pan, tin foil housing and small mechanic's work light.

Luckily we also seemed to end up with our more practical emergency back-up requests such as a doll Vicki loved and Boy Scout equipment with which I could turn an elk into freezer components.

My bro had me in a bit of a quandary since the only things Jane and I have ever raised are a few neurotic dogs and a foster family of wild ermines in our wood pile.

I decided to research the latest offerings in toyland to see if there were some sane alternates to laying out his life savings.

I won't do that again.

The first thing that popped up on a search engine was that a Lincoln Logs Collector's set now retails for $109.99, but can be temporarily purchased for $89.99. Back in my day, for the price of that kit, I could have constructed every fort built within half of the known civilized world and stocked it with enough ammo to take over the rest.

There was a majorly cool Star Wars Turbo Tank Vehicle with electronic lights and battle sounds teamed up with a gunner's station, missile-firing cannon pods plus extra secret stuff they won't tell about until you spring for the sales price of $99.99 (reg. $114.99) I figured that a minimum of three young dudes, each armed with one of those tanks plus full auto Nerf blasters ($49.99) and Transformers Bumble Bee battle helmets ($44.99), could annex a medium-sized hamlet while bankrupting their parents with collateral damage lawsuits and battery replacement costs. Link them up with a half dozen Transformers Revenge of the Fallen Optimus Primes ($44.99 each) that not only talk, but also turn into trucks and you're looking at the fall and occupation of Anchorage.

My pal mentioned that his daughter wanted something called a Zhu Zhu hamster and he thought that since they only cost around eight bucks they might stuff one in her stocking. I looked the things up and all sorts of alarms went off. The artificial rodents coo and buzz around looking cute without leaving droppings and proliferating like lemmings.

The drawbacks start when the kid notices that her Mr. Squiggles has four siblings, Chunk, PipSqueak, Num Nums and Patches. Family reunion, any one? It gets worse.

There's the Zhu Zhu Deluxe Accessories Assortment Case for $99.99 coming in January 2010. Available now are the absolutely essential Hamster House for $32.99, the Single Room Playsets Case for $64.99 and a bunch more Zhu Zhu add-ons totaling more than an additional $200 just so a $7.99 electronic rat can vibrate the day away.

Personally I'd flatten the critter with one of the aforementioned tanks before the mania spread or it cost $1,500 to have it removed from the house pet's stomach.

I spent several more days contemplating everything from Elmo Tickle Hands ($29.99) to Power Miners Titanium Command Rigs that are massive LEGO sets that turn into vertical drilling platforms ($99.99). How the latter hit the market without being banned by Congress is beyond me.

After all of that research and angst, I found the answer in my overcoat. There in a side pocket was the old Schrade, two-blade, folding pen knife that my folks gave me during my winter of discontent over the lack of a Lincoln Log set. All of my old toys were gone, but my ability to make one was not. I then remembered that Sis still had one of our great-grandma's bridal dolls and would be giving the heirloom to her daughter this year.

I don't know what my friend has decided to do, but if his boy ends up with a small pen knife and his daughter an old doll, I hope the kids realize very soon that it doesn't take much to make a gift priceless.

Nick can be reached at ncvarney@gmail.com if he isn't out in his turbo tank leading a charge of Transformers toward downtown Spenard.