Or, perhaps, you heard rumors of a few complaints when you handed out matching Swiffers to Aunt Pearl and the twins two years ago. Did you really think the fruitcake they gave you last year was an accident?

Not to worry. This year, you're sure to be a big hit without ever leaving the beautiful streets of Homer to find everything you need. Sure, you could make the trek north and dodge moose while the kids fight over the Gameboy in the back seat. But do you really want to forgo another kid's college fund for the gas?

And let's face it. Even if you fortify your computer with the latest hyper-stealth, nuclear-encrypted, titanium-armored firewall software to protect yourself against identity theft, you'll still get stuck with someone who thinks AK stands for Arkansas if you try and shop online.

Do yourself a favor and stay in town this holiday season. Area merchants have your gift-giving covered, even for the pickiest relatives and friends. And just think how great you'll feel knowing you helped your friends and neighbors by shopping locally.

If you've got a death wish, you might want to try picking out some clothes for your teenager this Christmas. However, if you're hoping to have a conversation with that special adolescent again before spring break, your best bet is to head out for a gift certificate. Music is a good bet, but resist the urge to pick out any kind of music on your own. No matter how wonderful the idea of introducing your teen to the intricate harmonies and haunting lyrics of REO Speedwagon sounds right now, it's a decision you both will regret later.

Finally, if you want to see an extraordinarily joyous juvenile this year, spring for a tweaked-out cell phone. ACS has an Audiovox 8900 flip phone with a built-in camera, picture messaging, Internet access and enough different calling plans to keep your teen connected to friends even during those nerve-wracking three minutes between the bus stop and the front door.

If you're lucky enough to still be living and shopping in the blissful land between toddlerhood and teenager, think in terms of unusual toys, science experiments, musical instruments, games, puppets and much more.

According to Timeless Toys' owner Becky Pfeil, many of last year's items are still pretty hot with the younger crowd this year.

"Our biggest seller for girls continues to be the Groovy Girl dolls," Pfeil said. "Those have been pretty consistently popular, along with all the different accessories that go along with the dolls."

For boys, Pfeil said she has seen an increase in many of the fantasy play knights and horse figurines. Nevertheless, LEGO Bionicles are still the most popular item.

"Those are still a really big hit," she said. "Everybody just seems to keep buying and buying those."

If your ideas of perfect Christmas toys run along the more classic lines of tea sets, Hot Wheels or a Red Ryder Double-Action BB Gun, you can still find it in local stores. And since you'll never be able to find an I-Pod anywhere in the northern hemisphere before Christmas, why not grab all your I-Pod accessories locally so you'll be ready when they finally send a few I-Pods up here to Alaska.

Unfortunately, if your heart is set on picking up the newest ELMO craze, you better have some really good connections at the North Pole. While the fuzzy red Muppet's rendition of the old YMCA disco classic is quite moving, you'd probably have better luck booking the Village People for your Christmas party.

With those long, cold winter nights upon us, what could be better than to cozy up to a fire, or Monitor stove, with a good book? Everything from bestsellers to biographies to Bibles, including selections of some of Homer's own writing talent, is available for that special bookworm in your life.

"Our local books have been doing really well so far this season," said Lee Post, co-owner of the Homer Bookstore. "We've had a few that came out a little later than usual, so they're just in time for Christmas."

Most recently, "Onward Crispy Shoulders," Mary Haakenson Perry's account of her brother Jim's life with Down Syndrome, hit the shelves recently and continues to see favorable success.

On a much larger level, "The Complete Cartoons of The New Yorker" comprises 80 years of cartoons published in the magazine.

"That is definitely one of our favorite big books this year," Post said. "The book includes 2 CDs and more than 68,000 cartoons from every issue of New Yorker Magazine."

According to Post, what you may have trouble finding this Christmas is a copy of "The Polar Express."

"We've had a lot of people come in asking for it," Post said. "It's been hard to keep it in, especially since the movie came out."

As you continue to read this, you should know that your hours of shopping are quickly dwindling away, and that Elvis Chia Pet is looking better and better. So, let's cut to the chase and kick this Christmas shopping education into high gear.

Outdoor enthusiast? Check out snowboards, skis and all the boots, bindings and whistles that go with them. If your gift recipient likes a little more adrenaline in their stocking, try stuffing it with a snowmobile or ATV. A little more laid back? You can find enough fishing gear, tackle and boat supplies to make visions of salmon spinners dance in the head your favorite fisherman.

A little relaxation? Maybe you're looking to give your friend or loved one something a little less taxing and a bit more relaxing. Give comfort and warmth with the soothing luxury of bath beads and bubble baths. Create an inviting ambiance with candlelight and lavender oils and aromas. Or go all out and spring for a gift certificate for a full massage at any one of eight licensed massage therapists in Homer. Or skip the whole relaxation thing and go right for the jewelry; diamonds are a no-brainer.

Finally, if you're wanting to take a more philanthropic route this Christmas, there are plenty of worthy causes around to satisfy that need to give. Make a donation to the Pratt Museum in honor of your favorite birder or history enthusiast. Buy a "memorial" fish at the Homer Library in your loved one's name and help give a new library to the community. Give a gift to someone you don't know and volunteer your time at the food bank. Or give a gift to yourself and bring home a new friend from the animal shelter.

No matter how you celebrate, take some time this year to enjoy and appreciate those around you. After all, you never know what kind of fruitcake you might wind up with next year.