As the Betster writes this the Internet appears to be down at Chez Betster. No, it’s not the usual dust-in-the-machine issue common at a house with a large furry dog. I tried the canned air trick — the go-to fix-it gadget next to duct tape and WD40. Bupkis. Could this be the real thing, a Kenai Peninsula wide disruption of vital information technology?
Holy Nineteen Ninety-two! How the heck will we possibly survive without the Web, email, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter? OK, the loss of Twitter is survivable unless you’re a desperate celebrity trying to claw your way back to fame in 140 characters or less.
How would we survive without the Internet? The same way we survived for millennia. Even though small villages in Africa have cell phones, not everyone has instantaneous communication with everyone else that allows them to bully, harass and pontificate like jerks, all while hiding behind the pseudonym Mr. Mansplainer. Well, people do that without the Internet, but they have to do it to your face. There can be consequences.
How would we survive without the Internet? We’d pick up print devices like books, magazines and newspapers. We’d read them under moonlight or candles. We would recite poetry. We would sing in chors. We would go to coffee houses, bars, clubs and churches and talk to each other. We would walk the beach without ear buds drowning out the surf, and we would notice eagles screeching and ravens chattering.
So maybe by the morning the Internet will return and we can go back to burying our faces in tiny screens. But if that doesn’t happen, just think of the stories you can tell your grandchildren, and the fun things you can do this weekend, like these Best Bets:
BEST GET COZY BET: These might be the shortest days, but that means we get spectacular sunsets along with our Kachemak Bay views. Watch the sun slide down behind Cape Douglas, enjoy hot drinks and cookies, and walk a contemplative snow labyrinth from noon-6 p.m. today and Friday and next week from Sunday-Friday for the Oceanfront Snow Celebration at Homer Inn and Spa on Ocean Drive Loop. Check out their new guest rooms, too.
BEST BE BING BET: Yes, we know you do a spot-on imitation of Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas,” but are you ready for the big time? Suit up and go for the glory with the Down East Saloon’s Lip Syncing Contest at 9 p.m. Friday. There’s a $150 grand prize. Register by 9 p.m.
BEST CLOSER WALK WITH THEE BET: St. Augustine’s Episcopal Church has a neat Advent tradition: evening labyrinth walks every Saturday at the church on the Sterling Highway overlooking the bay. Grab some peace and quiet and think about the meaning of the season from 6:30-7:30 p.m. Saturday. A compline service follows.
BEST GOT SOUL BET: The Betster is always looking for groovy new music. Harrison B sounds like just the thing. They play Progessive American Soul at 8 p.m. Saturday at Down East Saloon. It’s a nonsmoking show, so keep those cigs outdoors.
BEST BIG CONCERTS BET: It’s also time for another great holiday tradition, concerts by our finest young musicians. At 7 p.m. today it’s the Homer Middle School Winter Concert at the Mariner Theatre. At 7 p.m. Monday at the Mariner Theatre, enjoy more music with the Homer High School Winter Concert. Then at 7 p.m. Wednesday it’s the annual Candlelight, Carols and Desserts with the Homer Swing Choir. Tickets are $10.